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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677544">no more alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/immolationfox/pseuds/immolationfox'>immolationfox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Dreams, Childhood Trauma, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jan Van Eck's A+ Parenting, Jesper is a Good Boyfriend, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:21:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,823</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/immolationfox/pseuds/immolationfox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wylan van Eck was afraid of the dark. That's the bare truth of it. That didn't mean he wanted to broadcast the fact, not even to Jesper.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>235</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>no more alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>1. It's time to post the Six of Crows Zine fic! It's the first zine i've ever been in and it was so much fun, I can't wait to get my copy :D</p><p>2. hope you enjoy, i'm so excited to share</p><p>3. title from hozier</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The truth was simply this: Wylan van Eck was afraid of the dark.</span>
</p><p><span>It’s not something he was proud of, even though theoretically he knew fears aren’t something one controlled, and even though theoretically he knew that this fear was ridiculous and he was practically an adult, and he still didn’t like sleeping in absolute darkness. He just couldn’t help it. The one thing he</span> <span>was glad about, in this whole situation, however, was that Jesper hadn’t seemed to catch on about it. They’d done so much talking about feelings. Wylan didn’t think he could handle yet </span><em><span>another </span></em><span>heartfelt conversation, although he never minded all the kissing that came afterward.</span></p><p>
  <span>So here was the point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan was afraid of the dark, Jesper didn’t know, maybe, hopefully, probably, and Wylan would like to keep it that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesper almost always went to sleep before Wylan, and this night was no different. Wylan, at his desk, scribbling on some blueprints, lamp turned low. Jesper, fresh and still warm from a bath, wandering in to kiss Wylan good night, bare chest still a little damp. Sometimes Jesper would toss and turn until he would grumble for Wylan to come cuddle him, and sometimes he was so tired, he fell right asleep, but most nights, Wylan would make an excuse about not blowing out the lamp, and Jesper wouldn’t comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have figured that one day the system would fail, for such is the nature of systems that haven’t been tested properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was one of those Long Days. Where he had been up hours before dawn, and he anticipated being up well after sunset. Inevitably, he fell asleep at his desk. Dozing, vaguely, he recognized that those were </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesper’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>hands, lifting him up and laying him in bed. Those were Jesper’s hands scratching lightly at his scalp, and brushing his curls out of his face. Vaguely, he remembered the lamp burning low on the desk, tried to roll over, mumbled something unintelligible. He heard Jesper’s soft laugh, and then as the room faded to darkness, Wylan faded back to sleep, snuggling into Jesper’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dream he dreamt was incomprehensible and all-encompassing. The darkness surrounded him, pressing closer. Something watched him, lurking behind him, somewhere he never could see. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t see anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan still couldn’t see anything. His eyes were open, wide with fear. There was nothing but thick, inky blackness. He flailed, limbs knocking against more limbs, as he scrambled to where he thought the thick curtains were. The calluses on his fingertips snagged on the velvet of the curtains and he pulled, exposing the light on the street outside, both natural and manmade. The moon was nearly full and cast a blue sheen on the rest of the sleeping world, or at least, the sleeping world of this district. The Barrel was never quiet, except for the few gray hours before dawn. The sky was pitch black.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Resting his sweaty forehead against the cool glass pane of the window, Wylan took several unsteady breaths in an attempt to regain calm. Behind him, he heard the sheets rustling, and cursed silently. As much as he hoped Jesper might still be asleep, he knew that was an empty hope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesper was a light sleeper. Wylan knew there were multiple reasons for this, some of which he did not know, but even now, Jesper didn’t sleep without a pistol in reach. The rustling was closer now, and then the gas lamp flashed orange, burning low, and Jesper’s cool fingers were curling gently around the back of Wylan’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t say a word, and Wylan felt a surge of irritation. He wished Jesper wouldn’t be so gentle with him sometimes. He wasn’t going to break under the smallest bit of pressure. Hadn’t he proven himself by now? He didn’t realize Jesper needed proof, and as soon as he thought that, he flushed with shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without a word, Wylan twisted, pressing his face into the crook of Jesper’s neck, letting him hold Wylan close in the blue tinted light. Jesper slid a hand under the loose fabric of Wylan’s shirt - Jesper’s, actually - curving his hand against Wylan’s back and stroking the dip of his spine. They were pressed close enough that Wylan could feel Jesper’s heart beating steady, which meant Jesper could no doubt feel the jack rabbiting of his own heart. When Wylan’s breathing had calmed, and his heartbeat was steady again, Jesper finally spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some dream, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan tensed, a miniscule movement of every muscle in his back and neck, before he forced himself to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he said, more curtly than he intended. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Absently playing with a few of Wylan’s curls, Jesper continued, “You doing okay?” in the careful tone that meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>do you want to talk about it?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan took a short breath. He didn’t want to talk about the dream. He didn’t want to talk about his overreaction when he woke up. He definitely didn’t want to talk about his ridiculous fear of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>dark. </span>
  </em>
  <span>What he wanted was to go back to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to go back to sleep,” he said by way of answer, but even as he did, he knew he wouldn’t be going back to sleep for awhile, and Jesper knew this. Damn him to hell. Wylan almost missed the days when there was no one out there who knew him well enough to know - well - anything about him. “Really,” he insisted, when Jesper gave him a knowing look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even so, Jesper pulled the curtain closed again, and reached for the lamp to blow it out. Wylan’s panic surged again. If the room plunged into darkness again, there was know way he was going to keep his calm. His heart leaping into his throat, he lunged at Jesper’s hands, stopping him from reaching the lamp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it on!” Wylan exclaimed, voice strained. He couldn’t bring himself to look Jesper in the eye. “Just- leave it on, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesper was frowning. Wylan knew it without having to look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wylan,” Jesper began, confusion coloring his tone. Even then, Wylan couldn’t help liking the way Jesper’s voice smoothed over his name. He said his name like it was worth saying. Then he said his name again, and Wylan knew he knew. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wylan.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s not the dream, is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only noise in the kitchen was the quiet rumbling of the simmering pot of coffee, the soft clink of mugs on the counter top, and the rustling of Jesper’s clothes as he moved around the kitchen collecting everything they needed for a late night talk over coffee. Wylan shivered a bit, the crispness of the air seeping into his shirt. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but Jesper wasn’t going to let this go, and somewhere deep inside Wylan knew that it wasn’t good to not talk about stuff. Still. He didn’t want to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Jesper’s voice and hands were soft when he handed Wylan a mug of coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Wylan whispered, then cleared his throat and said it again, more firmly. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesper brushed his fingers across the curve of Wylan’s cheekbones and gave him a small smile in response. Then he sat down across from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You’re afraid the dark,” Jesper said, less of a question and more a statement of fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Wylan said shortly, and definitely too quickly. He stared into the unfathomable brown depths of his coffee. Jesper sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wylan,” he said, sudden tiredness in his tone. “I thought- I thought we- you don’t have to be invulnerable anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan flushed, curling tighter around his coffee mug. He hated to disappoint anyone, especially Jesper. Still, he felt the need to protect himself at all points, prove that he can be useful. Jesper’s fingers curled around his wrists gently, and Wylan finally lifted his head. Jesper was gazing at him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to feel ashamed because you want to keep yourself safe. I just- want to help however I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan glanced away, then looked back at him, because he felt like he needed to look at Jesper when he said this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid of the dark.” His eyes darted away and stayed down this time. “But it's nothing. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wylan, you woke in a panic because the room was dark,” Jesper said flatly, after taking a long sip of coffee. “That’s not fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan opened his mouth to argue again, but the words died in his throat when he saw the look on Jesper’s face. He was tired, but not because of sleep. There was worry in the creases of his face, and concern. Wylan released a tiny breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fine,” he admitted. “It just bothers me because it’s so- childish. It barely even- it’s just not logical.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something tightened in Jesper’s expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s because you don’t like not being able to see around you, right?” Jesper asked carefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan paused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t. I don’t like not being able to see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesper stood, abandoning his chair and coming around to take Wylan’s face in his hands. His face was twisted up into something that looked like pain, and Wylan didn’t like that. He didn’t like that he caused that look on Jesper’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wylan,” Jesper said, “There’s a reason for that. It’s because- because of your-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped talking, as if he couldn’t go on. And suddenly, it was like Wylan had never not known what it meant. He was going to say father. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Your father. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said hoarsely, and then let Jesper pull him up into a hug. He buried his face into Jesper’s nightshirt and took a careful breath. Jesper’s hands were warm and gentle as they swept up and down his spine, holding him close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wy, please, I need to know about things that- bother you like this,” Jesper said into Wylan’s hair. Wylan’s fingers tightened in the fabric of Jesper’s shirt. “I can’t- I love you and I want to be there for you. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan’s voice was muffled when he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I love you too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be sorry. You were only looking out for yourself. Only,” Jesper pulled back, cupping one hand around the back of Wylan’s hand, and looking him in the eye. “You don’t have to be your guard all the time, anymore. Not around me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jesper kissed him, and Wylan opened his mouth and kissed him back. What was he ever afraid of in the first place? This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesper, </span>
  </em>
  <span>probably the first one to believe in him. Jesper just- treated him like another person. That meant more to Wylan than Jesper would ever know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wylan gripped Jesper’s shirt, and kissed him harder, and thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>you have my heart. You have my whole heart.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t alone anymore. That was everything.</span>
</p>
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